Top 5 Myths around communication skills in children below 12 years.

Most parents come to me with some genuine and some acquired challenges with respect to their children communication skills. Genuine challenges as we all understand are those which exist in reality. For example: A child having stammering issues which is proven medically. Acquired challenges are those challenges which we develop due to listening others consciously or unconsciously, without having complete awareness of the subject matter. For example: Somebody told you or you heard that your child doesn’t respond at all and you start believing that your child lack communication skills without having complete awareness of the subject matter.
Let’s burst some popular myths that most parents have around children communication skills.

1. “My child don’t like to speak/communicate in front of others”
This tops the list as almost every third parent I meet has this concern that their child don’t like to speak or communicate to others but at home they are absolutely normal in speaking. Well speaking is not communication skill. Communication is much more than speaking to others. Communication is a complete self-expression by an individual. Most children are not comfortable about conversing with a complete new stranger. Imagine you entering a party where you know no one, how comfortable you will be in initiating efforts to talk to a stranger. Even when you possess great public speaking skills it may happen nobody is interested to talk to you. Not talking or responding to a stranger or a mere acquaintance cannot be a yardstick to gauge child’s communication skills.

2. “My child is unable to speak/communicate in English”
This is the second most important myth that we have around children communication skills. If your child is not a flawless speaker in English language that doesn’t mean he/she doesn’t have the ability to communicate. Speaking in English language is not the only way to communication. There are many people who are great Communicators or Orators in Hindi, Bengali, Punjabi and many more languages. The Ex-Prime Minister of India, ShriAtalBihari Vajpayee was one of the greatest Orators in Hindi language. The first step to communication is to understand and respond through a message.

3. “My child is shy.”
Often parents call their kids shy because their childrenaren’t comfortable in approaching new people or finding their own ways in a new environment. It is absolutely fine to feel anxious in a new environment though that is not a sign of poor communication skills. Once a parent called me informing me that her 8 year old son is a shy boy because he never responds to any new teacher, when I entered for the storytelling session I couldn’t recognize who was the boy as I had a room full of parents and children. I told the story, played some theatre games and after the session I got a call from the mother that her son thoroughly enjoyed the session. I came to know that he was the boy who was constantly laughing in the story and participating in the game. Shyness is an emotion which makes us uncomfortable in the presence of others because we feel timid, self-conscious or speechless, though this doesn’t make our communication skills deprived.

4. “My child don’t share things with me”
If your child is not sharing anything that has happened to him/her with you or any of the primary caretaker doesn’t mean he/she lacks communication skills. It may be possible he/she doesn’t have a trustworthy window of open communication for vent out where he/she will be heard and paid attention. The child might be scared that he won’t get any heed or get scolded or will be judged. Yes even a 4 year old can sense the strong energies that judgments may carry and the child chooses not to share. We often create unconsciously an air of fear around the child about things with strong definitions and limiting beliefs that the child may choose to completely shun it or keep within.Sharing is a two way process, begin sharing on how your day went with your child and build trust, open and non-judgmental communication space for your and with your child.

5. My child doesn’t respond in classroom activities.
Many times it happens that children don’t like to respond to teachers in classroom that doesn’t mean they are unable to communicate. Most parents push their children to reply to their teachers in online classes. There could be various reasons for not replying to teacher, from not knowing the answer to feeling uncomfortable in answering the question. Not answering the teacher doesn’t mean the child is not participating in classroom activities. A child may actively participate in all the activities of the session but don’t like to speak much. May be the child is reserve. It’s ok to be reserve. As communication is much more than speaking and answering questions, let’s not label a child for choosing to remain silent observant.

The crux is to build your awareness about everything thatyour child is going through. Respond at the right time and not react and certainly don’t label your child as an unconfident speaker or communicator simply because he doesn’t conform to popular beliefs. Remember, stories that you will share or tell to your children about them will become their beliefs and they will be conditioned to be like that. Choose your child’s story wisely. As a parent you have the power to design your child’s story.Words are powerful. Choose your words wisely.

Hope, this will burst some of your myths around communication skills. Do read up what is Communication Skills from a child perspective? in the next Vlog.

Thank you,
Your Storyteller, Drama Educator &Trainer Friend,
Khusshbo.