An original story on personal regret, written by our student Harshvardhan Singh Shekhawat.

Harshvardhan is 13 years old young writer from New Delhi. He is enthusiastic about sports, and music. We are proud to have him as a student of the Little Writers Program, an Online Creative Writing Program using Applied Storytelling & Applied Theatre tools under the mentorship of Trainer Khusshbo Chokhaani. We congratulate Harshvardhan for this exemplary true self-expression.

The Day I Regretted Everything…

Do know that one feeling that hits hard right where it hurts? It makes you regret why you did it. Well, this has happened to me several times. But I will be telling the time when it hurt most.

The Aravalli Horse Show occurred on the 31^st of July 2022. I was confident, some might even say overconfident. Others were confused about how I could be so calm at the place which felt new. I simply told them how I had practiced day and night. They understood but still had a drop of doubt in the glass. As their steps descended, I continued to charm my horse. She was excited yet shy and scared at the same time. I knew that this was one of those moments when I need to talk to my horse and make sure she doesn’t get intimidated by the new place.

As the in-charge called names I waited. I wanted to go and practice but remembered my coach telling me that only the 5^th rider after the current one can start to practice in the side field so I don’t overwork my horse. Which now I realize shows how lazy my horse was. Anyway, after convincing myself on waiting, I almost missed my turn. I rushed onto the horse and trotted in with a grin smile on my face. Everyone inside was a foot bigger than me. Their horses were so tall it was almost as if I was an ant in front of bees. Although I was shaken, I was reminded to stay strong by another comrade of mine that had just crossed by me. I practiced for about 15 minutes doing parallel and vertical jumps. As soon as they called my name, “Harshvardhan astride Vanilla.” I rushed in a happy and charming mood. I was proud of myself for coming this far and congratulated my horse for helping me make it this far.

I entered the field full of enormous and unique jumps which got me trembling in shock. But I knew I could do it as the jumps were of the same heights we practiced and some even shorter. I walked my horse in front of the jumps making sure she will do it. As I walk to judge, I felt a shiver down my spine. It was as if my horse was shaking. I bent down to pat my horse and calmly smiled at her. It made her feel much prouder and more confident in herself. The judge asked my name and the name of my horse to announce it. I took a round of canter before entering the line of jumps. She easily mastered the small jumps making her way to the difficult ones. She started the harder ones great and approached the last two which somehow seemed harder. I got her to the second last one which ended in a refusal. I thought to myself could this be it? Did I fail? I took a circle and came back at the jump feeling underconfident. It affected my performance as it again ended in a refusal. I was told to exit the field due to my and my horse’s mistake. This was the moment of regret and feeling miserable. I was comforted by the warmth of my parents and comrades. They pushed me for the next event and aim for having higher jumps.

I ate some food and drank water. After an hour of studying the other horses, I jumped back on my horse and entered the practice field once again waiting anxiously for another chance to prove myself. I entered the field after another 15 minutes. I was confident and charmed my horse one last time. She knew she had made a mistake and had to make it right. As I did the formalities, I felt tough and strong on the outside but worried on the inside. It was as if I were an Oreo hard on the outside and softer inside. I took a round of canter (teach your horse to trot) and started the easy jumps and was delighted with my performance. It was too early to feel happy as what happened next left a scar on me and my horse forever. As I made my way to the harder jumps and started falling onto one side. I tried getting back up it was too late as my horse started the jump. I held on to her neck resulting in an injury as I hit my cheekbone hard with the metal end of my whip. I instantly fell. I held onto my horse trying to hold my tears back but it was no use. I was then rescued by my parents who were accompanied by several other men. They help me out and onto a chair where I explained how I got hurt. I drank water and went to my horse who was having a hard time with my coach. I felt embarrassed as I asked but one thing the rest of the night by people who were unknown to me. Everyone asked me if I was all right. I could hear nothing but pity in my ears. I didn’t want to do any other events of mine. That was until my grandfather told me to stay strong and just do better than last time.

I felt better so I waited and saw others go. I felt happier and looked forward to my next event. I did not do well as I forgot what I had to do but I thought of just one thing, I said to myself, “At least you were better than last time.” I felt sad but knew how much I need to practice. I understood that I shouldn’t want to do better than others, all I need to do it beat my previous self in every race and event.

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